“Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me”
When I go for walks,🚶♀️ which I love to do and is really the only thing I can do at this point , I always listen to 🎵music because it helps to get me focused and in the “exercise zone” (if there is such a thing for mere walking), and the music and lyrics are always a source of healing, inspiration and reflection for me, as well. Today for my cool down (which in this case amounts to just walking a little slower😆), I was listening to the “EPIC DUET“- “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me” , by George Michael (may he rest in peace…finally, poor guy) and “Sir” Elton John. As George Michael’s soulful and ethereal buttery voice slides into the beginning lyrics like liquid gold on to your favorite piece of morning toast, the words struck me very differently today, and I had a “moment.” You know…a MOOOOMENT!
🎵“I can’t light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I’m growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here, on the ladder of my life
It’s much too late, to save myself from falling…”🎵
These lyrics got me thinking… this is exactly what happens many times in an abusive relationship- In the beginning stages of these relationships, one partner (who ends up being the victim) will usually try to “change” or at least try to help the other person overcome or deal with their issues or demons that control them, haunt them, cause relationship problems or impair their personal growth in some way. This is what I was trying to do with my ex-husband. I was trying to hide and take some of his darkness away with my own light. I think this is the only way we know how to in these situations, it seems logical, right??? Sometimes by trying to shine our “light”💡 on their “darkness”, we can succeed in “masking” or “obscuring” some of their toxic or destructive thoughts, emotions and behaviors, at least for a little while, and bring out the best in them (because we “see something” in them, something dynamic, exciting and different about their personalities that draws us to them, don’t we???). We also try to hide their darkness and traces of it around others. We do this so the outside world doesn’t think anything is wrong. However, the profound effort, sheer exhaustion, torment and inner conflict it takes to do this becomes a grueling uphill battle that eventually ends up as a loosing one. Sometimes you even get “fooled” into thinking you are winning some of these little battles but the reality (of which you know nothing about in these situations, in large part due to “gaslighting” tactics), is there’s an invisible and silent war going on with you and going on behind your back. It has to do with power and control and it is not designed for you to have a good outcome. We also find that during this arduous process, we in fact end up losing some of our own light along the way. That bright light that resonates from deep within us- from our spirit and soul and is a reflection of our experiences, what we symbolize, represent and cultivate. Our core beliefs, values, overall outlook on life and all that we are, up to this point is also a big part of that light and what “illuminates us” from within. That very light is what they seek out in other people, not to cherish, love and nurture, but to covet, steal and extract from us, leaving us depleted and in shambles. They need that luminosity, sadly because they don’t have their own… it’s been snuffed out by someone or something else or at least much of it has. An empty void hardly exists where their light once was and this vacuum does not even remain in a neutral state, so to speak. A darkness, a toxic and destructive entity festers and grows in its place. This “dark aether”” can be a powerful and all consuming entity that feeds off of our light and if we are not careful, our light can be snuffed out, little by little, gradually over time, sometimes completely and sometimes even permanently. Just as the good light, this dark adversary needs an energy source to feed from. Sometimes this ever-hungry menace even tries to convince us that we should just snuff out our own lights…………. (like a “candle in the wind”🕯.) Sorry!!! I had to!!! Had to do the cheesy pun… things were getting a little deep there for a second and we needed some comic relief, ya?!?
Ok, let’s take a deep breath💨 and move on…so eventually, you are no longer capable of or just no longer desire to help the other person. You’ve figured it out, at least some of it-you will never be able to fit your square peg into their empty round hole, their edges are just too rough, but they become razor sharp over time…
Being in these situations, day in and day out, the constant undercurrent of tension always percolating just below the surface and bearing down on you, even in the good times, feeling like you are stuck in that place, unable to envision a better situation for yourself. You find yourself making choices you would not normally make, just to survive in this relationship and existence. Your memories of the past, specifically the bad times, become murkier, as if looking at them through muddied grey lenses. Not in understanding or recollection but in the way your mind sees them. As memories set in grey and darkness, void of happy and uplifting colors. Cognitive Dissonance definitely sets in…and you haven fallen…..not in love, or from love…but from grace, your grace.
I wonder if Sir Elton was thinking of all this when he wrote these lyrics?!?