“The unrelenting undercurrent of abusive behavior is like the riptide that sucks you out to sea to be forever lost in the confusion of murky waters and he is the shark that continues to circle and rip pieces from you until there is literally nothing left. The beast has been fed, now he’s off to another beach.”
When I first made the realization that I was in fact a “victim” of abuse during my marriage and that it was that abuse that was the CAUSE of my Fibromyalgia and Systemic Lupus, it all started to make sense. One of the first things I did was draw a timeline of “negative/abusive events in my marriage vs. my disease onset and activity. As I was putting this timeline together, it became very clear that my illness onset/ activity perfectly aligned with the adverse and abusive events. Talk about a defining moment! I stood there looking at the two almost perfectly parallel lines side by side as they traveled there way through the years of my marriage. I knew the elusive mystery as to why my perfectly sound mind and well exercised and healthy body strangely developed these serious illnesses seemingly out of nowhere. As I felt one incredible weight lifted off my shoulders, another weight simultaneously set in; I knew I had to get this information of my personal discovery out to the public because I thought that if I’ve been sick since 2002 and never had any doctor suggest or even bring up the idea that my Fibromyalgia and Systemic Lupus might be caused by emotional and psychological trauma from abuse, I thought for sure that others who are sick may not know there could be an emotional and abusive origin to their disease or illness, as well, and would therefore never be able to receive more appropriate treatment in order to heal properly. I’ve done a lot of research on Fibro and autoimmune diseases etc. over the years and have studied psychology but I never came across anything meaningful that showed a distinct positive correlation between domestic abuse and auto-immune diseases or anything that would flip that light bulb on in my head. I never made the connection. I was having thoughts about what a big DUMMY I was to have missed this information but then I remembered hearing the occasional story of how a nurse didn’t even know she was pregnant until her water broke or until she went into labor, so that made me not feel so bad- this kind of thing happens! I now realize I was just asking the wrong questions and looking in the wrong places. Once I started looking in the right places, I found the information I was looking for and a whole lot of other “golden nuggets” of information (and serious disconnects) along the way that I’m going to share and discuss with you all! There is not a lot of scientific and empirically derived information and evidence on how the process happens but it is out there. When I began research I immediately noticed the huge disconnect between what psychology/science knows and what the general public knows.
I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that if I had known that abusive behavior from another person (my ex husband of almost 30 yrs.) was the cause of my illnesses, it would have entirely changed my treatment protocol and how I approached my treatment plan altogether, not to mention getting away from the toxic source! I would have spent a lot more time in a Psychologists office and a lot less time at the medical doctor’s office and taking dangerous and toxic drugs such as methotrexate, plaquenil and prednisone,which caused other serious problems and ended up not helping me anyway, in the long run.
I never realized how physically ill this person made me feel until shortly after this discovery of mine and the fact that I mysteriously started healing after being away from him, I had to be near him at one of my kids sporting events. We had to discuss something so shortly after I walked up and was standing next to him and talking to him, I realized that my stomach all of a sudden got queasy, my bones, joints and muscles started aching (like that day before the flu hits you head on). IT WAS A PROFOUND MOMENT of confirmation of my discovery. It was everything inside of me conscious and unconscious, spirit and soul screaming DANGER!
There is GOOD news though! The good news is that WE CAN HEAL OURSELVES FROM THIS KIND OF DISEASE CAUSING EMOTIONAL TRAUMA. I invite you on this truth finding and healing journey with me as I share this valuable information and insights with the general public and abuse victims like myself (and unlike myself) and those who have never found the answer as to why they have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Thyroid issues, auto-immune diseases and so much more! Best of luck to you and thank you for reading!🌺💗🌸