According to statistics on the “National Coalition Against Domestic Violence”, website, “1 in 4 MEN have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.” That statistic is just for “physical’ abuse and doesn’t even consider other forms of pervasive abuse such as, verbal, emotional, psychological, financial, etc. which many times can be more damaging in the long term than physical abuse. Physical abuse is usually ‘“cyclical” but verbal and emotional abuse are a more intimate form of abuse and happen every single day. I found some interesting information on this topic which serves to shed some light on this quiet dilemma;
This was taken directly from the www.ilrctbay.com website. The author is unknown…
Battered and Abused Men:
Most of us recognize that men experience verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of women, less well accepted or admitted is the fact of physical abuse. In our society, we think of women as the victims and men as the aggressors in physical abuse. The fact that women are more likely to be severely injured in domestic violence adds to the problem of recognizing male abuse. Nevertheless, it happens – frequently. In fact, men are just as likely to be seriously injured when a woman becomes violent because women are more likely to use weapons in the course of an assault. If a male client indicates that his girlfriend or partner assaulted him, believe him. A man will find it harder to discuss his pain with you than will a woman, and even harder to admit to being a victim. It is easier to attribute an injury to a sports mishap or workplace accident than to admit to a doctor or police officer it resulted from domestic violence.
Facts:
- Fewer men report abuse. They are ashamed to report being abused by women.
- Health care and law enforcement professionals are more likely to accept alternative explanations of abuse from a man. They will believe other reasons for the presence of bruises and other signs of injury.
- Our justice system often takes the word of the woman above the word of the man in abuse cases. It is just more believable that the aggressor was the man, not the woman.
- Men are more likely to tolerate the pain of abuse than women. They “grin and bear it” more. And again, many are ashamed to seek medical help for abuse.
- Unless a woman uses a weapon, she usually does not have the strength to inflict injury.
Abused men are as likely as their female counterparts are to have low self-esteem. People can come to believe that they are somehow responsible for what happened. People cling to the hope that things will get better: that the woman he “loves” will quit when their relationship is better adjusted, or the children get older and show more responsibility. These are all pretty much the same excuses women make for remaining with men who batter them.
Are you abused? Does the person you love…
- “Track” all of your time?
- Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
- Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
- Prevent you from working or attending school?
- Criticize you for little things?
- Become angry easily when drinking or abusing drugs?
- Control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
- Humiliate you in front of others?
- Destroy your personal property or items with sentimental value?
- Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or the children?
- Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
- Threaten to hurt you or hurt the children?
- Force you to have sex against your will?
Below is a list of things you can do to help yourself:
- Tell friends he trusts.
- Make safety arrangements such as:
- Leaving the relationship;
- Finding a safe place to go; and
- Changing his phone number and/or locks.
- Telephone a domestic violence hotline or shelter and:
- Talk to a worker;
- Find out about his legal rights; or
- See a counsellor – separately or with Lisa.
- Gain the support of witnesses, when possible.
- Take notes detailing dates, times and what occurred.
- Phone 911 when Lisa becomes physically abusive.
Abuse Checklists:
Below is a self-assessment quiz to help you determine if you are being abused. You may be suffering abuse even if you answer, “Yes” to only a few questions.
You may be becoming or already are a victim of abuse if you:
- Feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” to keep him/her from getting angry and are frightened by his/her temper.
- Feel you can’t live without him/her.
- Stop seeing other friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because he/she doesn’t like them.
- Are afraid to tell him/her your worries and feelings about the relationship.
- Are often compliant because you are afraid to hurt his/her feelings; and have the urge to “rescue” him/her when he/she is troubled.
- Feel that you are the only one who can help him/her and that you should try to “reform” him/her.
- Find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner’s behaviour when you are treated badly.
- Stop expressing opinions if he/she doesn’t agree with them.
- Stay because you feel he/she will kill him/herself if you leave.
- Believe that his/her jealousy is a sign of love.
- Have been kicked, hit, shoved, or had things thrown at you by him/her when he/she was jealous or angry.
- Believe the critical things he/she says to make you feel bad about yourself.
- Believe that there is something wrong with you if you don’t enjoy the sexual things he/she makes you do.
- Believe in the traditional ideas of what a man and a woman should be and do — that the man makes the decisions and the woman pleases him.
*** IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS A VICTIM OF ABUSE, PLEASE CONSIDER TAKING ACTIONS TO REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THAT PERSON AND SITUATION.”
***SOME RESOURCES;
* National Domestic Violence Hotline- 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
Website; www.ndvh.org
- Men Stopping Violence- 1-866-717-9317
Website; www.menstoppingviolence.org
- A Call To Men- 1-917-922-6738
Website; www.acalltomen.org
- National Gay and Lesbian Task Force- 1-202-3935177
Website; ngltf.org
- National Center for Victims of Crime- 1-202-467-8700
Website; www.victimsofcrime.org