🌺It’s not your fault that you were abused. Your abuser may say things like “look what you made me do” , “why did you make me do that” or “this is all your fault” but regardless of their accusations, it’s NEVER your fault that you are being abused by someone else. Let me repeat that...IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT THAT YOU ARE BEING ABUSED !!! This is so important to remember because victims will usually self-blame for elements of the abuse and self-blame turns into toxic shame real fast! In most cases, the abuser is just ‘projecting’ their issues onto you anyway. (for example, they accuse you of cheating when they are really the one cheating.)
🌺It’s never OK for your partner to “tell you how you should feel about things” You are a completely separate person who’s had separate experiences, which shaped your core beliefs, morals and thoughts and mindset and you have a right to express them without prejudice or being made to feel that your beliefs, etc. are wrong. You have a right to feel and think how you want, no matter how much someone else tries to convince you otherwise. Don’t let anyone be dismissive, disrespectful , try to impose their will onto you or try to change your thoughts, feelings or beliefs. When someone attempts to do this, it’s usually because they are attempting to position themselves above you in order to control you. They may also want you to “drop down to their level”, if you have higher moral and ethical standards than they do.
🌺Life ebbs and flows, it’s full of ups and downs but no matter how bad and low things can get….it’s just temporary! Sometimes these awful ebbs in life last a lot longer than what we can sometimes tolerate or even mentally or physically bear but remember...THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE…
🌺Watch a person’s behavior in relation to their words. When dealing with these types of people, if you pay attention to both words and behavior, you will soon find a big disconnect between the two. These people are not true to their words, they make promises they have no intention of keeping and they may be saying “you’re the only one for me” while having multiple affairs, as was the case in my marriage.
🌺Many victims of domestic abuse, especially when little or no violence is present, often don’t even realize they’re being verbally, emotionally, psychologically or financially abused. This happened to me.
🌺It’s very difficult to have any kind of perspective when you are in the middle of “it”, going through” it”, so to speak. I knew my ex-husband could be very mean, even sadistic at times, and his mouth could spew poison that was meant to tear at your self-esteem, self- worth, spirit and soul, but I never REALIZED or actually even knew that these kinds of things were considered “domestic abuse’ or “domestic violence”. I thought laws all had to do with “physical/sexual/neglect” abuse. I learned all of this “the hard way” and don’t want you to make the same mistakes!
🌺Not only are verbal, emotional, psychological, financial, gender, elder, religious, and reproductive abuse recognized as “against the law” but so is oppression and isolation. You can even sue someone in Civil Court for these abuses, as “torts”! I did not know that either! “Law”was an area I never ventured into and I never had any experience with courts or anything so I was just unfamiliar and unaware of many things in this area. Not anymore though…I educated myself!
🌺No matter how hard you try to be the best you can for your partner, it’s a lost cause if they have a personality disorder, especially one of the more severe ones, where apathy and narcissism prevail, you will never please or satisfy them because they are always looking for more, more, more. They can never be “still” and their empty emotional gas tanks always need refilling. They don’t have any deep emotions for you, well, because they can’t. They can’t help it-it is in their nature…
🌺Worrying is a waste of time for the most part. I’ve spent so much time worrying about things that never happened. That’s a lot of wasted time! I think people in general worry too much. We spend either too much time in our past ( which can cause depression) or too much time thinking about the future (where the majority of worry and anxiety come from). We are not “fortunetellers”-we cannot predict the future! We spend so much time in the “past” or “future”, that we are forgetting to be in the “present!”
🌺Don’t compare your situation to others. Other people and families may act happy, seem to have it all together in public or on social media, have a beautiful home, seem to have plenty of money and beautiful things but the cold hard reality is that we are all struggling in our own ways and winning in our own ways. Stop being disappointed and instead be thankful for what you do have.
🌺Mindfulness is the key to many things in life!
🌺Listen to your gut instinct. It’s much smarter than “you” are!
🌺No matter what…you CANNOT change someone. Minor adjustments can be made but those core personality traits are there to stay.
🌺We have a CHOICE as to whether we want to be positive thinkers or negative thinkers….Thinking positively literally changes the neural pathways in our brain to keep us thinking positively!
🌺Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Oh this one was a hard one for me, and probably for a lot of you too! We are proud people aren’t we? We don’t want to ask for help for anything, right? Some people may even see it as a sign of weakness. I used to be a pretty private person who neither needed or was used to asking for help, from anyone for anything so it was extremely difficult for me to ask for help when I really needed it. To my surprise, people were more than happy to help and do what they could! Remember, people in general love to help out friends, family and even strangers in times of need. Helping others gives a person the” warm and fuzzies” by way of giving them a sense of importance, purpose and allows them to show compassion for their fellow humans! You can always pay it back or forward when you are able!
🌺Not everyone in your circle is your “true friend”. Some are jealous, manipulative and do not have your best interests in mind. They are a one man show, who only care about what they get out of something or pretend to “help” you but you later find out they have their own agenda. These people have a difficult time helping or doing something for others without expecting anything in return, or just out of the goodness of their heart. There is always a catch or a price to be paid, usually under their unrealistic “conditions”. Remember….when someone does something nice for you or to help you without expecting anything in return, it is called ‘kindness”, but when they expect something in return,or to help their own cause, it’s just called “business as usual.”
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